Saturday, 29 October 2011

Of Bereavement and a Death of Another kind!!

Saturday mornings are special,you always manage to get up early no matter how long you planned to sleep that day to make up for the working weeks sleep.

I woke up feeeling guilty of not writing to a friend who recently suffered bereavement.I have been meaning to write to her but facebook seems to be too public a medium and then again I have only been in touch with her throuh it!

Words fail us so often in such situations. More appropriately the inability of words to match the loss has prevented me to write to her . I did open a Compose Mail page and thought what I wrote was not good enough to match her grief.My worries werewhat if she thinks its just a casual note , who is she to comfort  me,etc,etc,etc.

I am surprised at the way I reacted.I myself suffered a huge loss of my father a few years ago.I till date remember those within friends and family who consoled me and till date hold an insignificant grudge against the ones who did not.I can surely empathise with this friend on mine and I perhaps shouldn't have hesitated!

The loss of a dear one can leave a huge hole in the heart.An emptiness,a vaccum.No one can fill it.I think human body evolvs and just creates an emotional bypass around it.

I also suffered a loss of another kind some time back, a loss of friendship.Note here that it was not the physical loss of a friend but the loss of the strong bond that I felt between us.It is a death,a similar vaccum or sense of loss.But I am not sure if its mutual as we all don't rate friendship in a similar way.

The matter in my opinion was too trivial to have distanced us but then again its just a mere case of perspective.In the lack of the defense I would like to dwell no more into the reasons for the loss.

And yes the emotional bypass was created eventually but around the vaccum.The hurt seems to be ebbing away and one tries to remember the happier memories to make some sense of all of it.

I hope by writing my feelings it will provide a sense of closure  for the death of friendship and gather up my courage to write to the friend who suffered the loss of a dear one!!

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Soical Contexts and Backgrounds

Thanx to the world wide web I have an audience at four in the morning.The phrase 'Lend me your ears' gets a completely new meaning these days.Lend me you webspace or surf time would be more appropriate in this context.

I would like to revesit the topic of EQ for the benifit of us all but a little later. And we would collectively try to improve our EQ grading!

A thought came to me about how I became what I am and ofcourse the context plays a very important part of what we grow up to be.I was raised by both parents with post graduate level of education,both were in a profession where social contact was maximum being a doctor and a teacher.And on top of that my father was in the forces.So the basic values which I grew up with , remembeingr that growing up values become your second nature,are:

1. Lot of stress on good education was prime.I remember changing two buses and walking just to get to a good school as a child.My mother completely devoted her time and energy to that aim and she still is!

2.Learning good communication and social skills.My father had great interpersonal skills.He was a man that the mangement books talk about....literally! I would presume that his skills were his nature rather than aquired.The parents always made sure that my brother and I had our communication skills honned.I remember participating in many an extempores ,that was mostly on my parents encouragement.Being very social our house was always buzzing with dinner parties and friends coming over.

3.And the third basic value would be decipline.That ofcourse comes from the Indian Army which still upholds the British legacy.

I have imbibed in me all of these or rather most of these and genereally grew up to be very amicable and desciplined person with good education.All of there I am proud of but never arrogant about.Remember I grew up with them so they are not achivements but rather second nature.

I have observed that people tend to behave in a manner in which they have been brought up and so our context plays a great role.Some people around me are reasonably educated and in good jobs but have terrible communication.Other have very good communication skills but terrible lack of descipline which makes them  utter complete non sense at times.A few have little education(here I imply the broadning of perspective which education brings.) and hence have a myopic view of the world.And a few are plain jealous of anyone having any permutations of these essential skills.

Here .I in no way imply that I am the know all of everything.I am full of imperfections and am constantly learning!

My husband  and I hail from completely different backgrounds and we have to constantly try to be on the same platform to see where each other is coming from.So with marrying him I got into completely unknown territory(thats my millitary background talking).I still have to make more than an effort to fit in his world which in turn is made of friends and family from his sort of cultural context.

They speak very different language and sometimes I struggle to get catch the subtle cultural nuiansces to feel comfortable.Now I have made in my mind cultural equvivalents from my context of things they say.So I know when a person says this it actually means this!!

I did try to blend in initially but sooner than later I realise this was a futile exersise..........and I would not try to undo my entire life's learning and my parents utter devotion towards an informed upbringing. ...........after all ...........................I am not a colour I am a person!

Monday, 17 October 2011

Thanx dear

One of my frineds encouraged me to write again..its wonderful to have an audience especially on the web ........since you write for the unknown...yes I have been busy and will be for the next 50 does that mean you don;t do what you like .....well no and thanx my dearest for reminding me that!!
I want to talk about the world of books.....I like them, I read them but do I learn from them ....that is the biggest question???
As a person I feel I am intelligent ....and my dear friend will vouch for it ..haha.........see i need a platform i am so convincing now you already believe what I am telling you!!

But when it comes to being the mom of my almost four year old I feel very handicapped ,,,,I am toady exactly the kind of Mum I never wanted to be .So I started thinking I am really intelligent enough or my knowledge of the world does little to affect my knowledge of self!
Or we have differnet kind of intelligence for different roles..........or is it my EQ.........the great new term after IQ.........the fact that a seperate term exists assures me that it might be true......My wealth of bookish knowledge does not prepare me for the world.
I have seen many a not so well read women around me managing perfectly well.....\so how do you tain yourself for EQ ..........any ideas readers??? And moreover when is the right time to prepare you for the world..........cause what I surely don't want is my daughters to grow up with high IQ and very little EQ!!

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Anger Management for MOMz

With two kids.....a three year old and a 4 months old can be challenging!!!!!!!!! If you have added responsibilities like going to the university for me, it can be really challenging.The more stressed one gets the more likely to become angry.

The maternal juices quickly brings overwhelming guilt after the bout of anger!!!! Something I discuss with my friends so very often, mostly moms in similar situation like me!!!! We agree that it was beyond over control, owe it to frustrations, empathise and sympathise with each other, perhaps its a means of overcoming the guilt.

We are talking about a three year old driving a 31 year old crazy. Were we fully aware of the issues we would encounter before becoming a mom, were we delusional or its a case of becoming better as we grow up? I am not sure of the answers but am sure that I am aware. I am aware that I need to change or at least do something about it. I don't want to be a perfect mom as I don't think there is anything like a perfect mom just like there is no perfect human beings!!! Its a learning process and like any form of  learning it requires sincerity of thought and also constant practice.